If you have found yourself here, you very likely understand that you cannot fix the unfixable. There is no denying that. But you can survive the unfixable. I’ve included here a list of things that have helped me so far. If you have any further recommendations, please feel free to send them my way at sarah@mainandmama.com! I’d love to hear from you.
Grief-Related Books
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew: A Devotional for Comfort in the Loss of Your Unborn or Newly Born Child by Kathe Wunnenburg (helps with processing all the heavy and hard feelings through a lens of Christian hope)
- You Are the Mother of All Mothers: A Message of Hope for the Grieving Heart by Angella Miller (a quick and easy page-turner that is helpful to flip to whenever you need a quick and immediate pick-me-up)
Podcasts
- Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People (Beautiful/Anonymous) by Chris Gethard (Each episode is a one-hour phone call with an anonymous caller. The host and the caller discuss anything and everything on the caller’s mind. It has been so helpful for me to tune out of my own grief for an hour at a time and listen to other people’s stories. This podcast has helped to remind me that everything will be okay someday.)
Other
- Therapy. Lots and lots and lots of therapy.
- Simply crying it out. Over and over and over and over. Shout-out to Puffs Plus Lotion.
- Exercising (almost) every day. Sweat and tears are a great combination, even for just a couple hours of grief relief.
- Being honest with others and yourself about how you’re doing. If today sucks, be honest about that. It was a shock and a relief to me to learn that no one expects me to be okay in the midst of my grief. There is room for your sadness, your anger, your frustration. There is room for your happiness, too, but it’s okay and perfectly normal if the happiness hides sometimes.
- Giving ourselves permission to do—or not do—whatever we want with the physical items that trigger our grief. For example, we’ve chosen not to change the nurser at all. This won’t work for everyone, and some people might even think it’s weird. We don’t care. It’s what works for us and helps us to feel hopeful.
- Giving ourselves permission to say “no” to the things that are too hard right now. I hard to learn the hard way that I simply cannot be everything for everyone anymore.
- Giving ourselves permission to say “yes” to the things that are helpful. Want to book a spontaneous trip out of town for a weekend to give yourself room to breathe? Do it. Want to go pick fresh flowers with your mom and sister? Do it. Want to host a movie night with your spouse and be totally lame and print out fake tickets and buy movie theater candy? Do it. If you think it will help and it’s healthy, do it.